You. Me. Us

Clyde and I caught up last night. It started with "a Google invite". That brought me back to the day in London when he and I, in the school's Covent Garden studio, compared our Google Calendars, where blocks of colors occupied our calendars. We were the adults of the class, after all.

I'd forgotten about it. Till he booked out catchup with a G-invite. Classic Clyde!

We switched on our cameras. "Hey, Clyde, do you happen to have anything that I can charge my laptop with?". He cracked up.

That was what he told me before I left London. That he'd remember I was this Asian person who always showed up in class and struggled with my chargers (laptop and phone) for long minutes, turning left and right on my seat.

How I miss London.

Clyde is now married. he is now forty-seven. That felt quite strange. Time doesn't just pass or stroll anymore in your forties. In my thirties, time slides. But the forties, oh my, time probably sprints and skips.

Clyde is still a gentleman. He still feels brotherly. He was speaking about his plan to start a new business with a friend, his eyes directing down at the floor or the table while he noticed and asked, slightly embarrassed: "What are you laughing at?". I was giggling with one hang on my mouth.

Then I burst into a roaring laugh. "Because you know, we haven't spoken in years, and it's funny to see you being you again. Why do you look so apologetic when speaking of starting a business? Sorry, world, if you don't mind, I am going to build something of my own to look after myself."

He chuckled along, eyes still softly averting elsewhere.

"Of course, I'm still me. And you're still you. Time may pass but a large part of us remains, doesn't it?"

It was lovely The catchup filled me with warmth. Yet, one moment stuck out and nagged at me after. But I am grateful for it.

What are you doing these days, Chi? I started to teach films and stuff at uni. And. how is it? It feels like I am cheating. It's like I have found a nook somewhere in my head, where I am still involved in films but don't have to do it.

Yeah, you always had that self-doubt thing. You always think you're not good enough, Why is that? You always wrote it halfway then scratched it and started again cos you think it was not good enough.

Did I? Am I still doing it now?